Long Overdue Update....no pictures

Well I haven't blogged in awhile and I haven't done a journal entry in forever so this is going to be long and informative. But there are definitley a few things that a going on in our life that needs to be documented. Lets all remember that I am at work and it is just before midnight so forgive me if I ramble on or don't make total sense. First and foremost I should say that I am 16 1/2 weeks prenant with our third child, due Feb 4th. I had always felt like we weren't done with two but my husband was. After telling him my feelings about it he was on board so we went and saw our fertility doctor to figure out a plan. Neither one of us wanted to do anything too drastic but I have endometriosis and have to take birth control pills to keep it at bay. So I was wondering how long we could try on own to get pregnant before he made me go back on them. He said we could try 3-4 months. That sounded good to us because if we weren't pregnant by then we were done. So anyway we got pregnant after 4 months of trying but sadly when I was about 6 1/2 wks along I started having really sharp stomach pains. After about 45 min, they became much worse. I just layed on my bed in fetal position crying. Antione has seen me in pain but never like this so off to the ER we went. It actually eased up a bit on the way there and I thought to myself maybe everything is fine. We were checking in and the pain starting increasing. By the time I was back in a bed I was doubled over in pain again. I have never felt pain like that in my life and I have had 2 c-section and many abdominal surgeries. This topped them all! The OB was called in and they did an ultrasound on my abdomen and it was found that I had an ectopic pregnancy that had ruptured. I was so shocked when they told me this. How did I not pass out. They whisked me back for emergency surgery and ended up getting almost a liter of blood out of my abdomen. I had to have 2 units of blood in the OR. The doctor told Antione when it was done that I was one tough lady. I was admitted overnight just for observation. I was sure when they told me it was ectopic that it was my right tube considering I didn't have a left tube. It wasn't! What? Apparently the little critter had crossed over the to the left side and implanted in the top left part of my uterus and in what remained of my left tube. So when it ruptured it blew out the top corner of my uterus. OUCH! No wonder it hurt so bad. But I actually think the pain from the blood in my belly was worse. So realizing that I still had my right tube, miraculously, I felt like I still had a shot and so I should give it another try. But again, I had to get Antione on board because he was a little freaked out after all that. So I saw Dr Petersen again and he checked out my right tube to make sure that it was open and clear of any endometriosis. Everything looked good so we decided to again try for another 3-4 months and if nothing than for sure we done. I was about to give up on the third month of trying because I had been using an ovulation kit each month and it never showed I ovulated. So frustrating. I thought its probably because I work graveyards and that has screwed up my cycles. So I called the nurse and she said I could check my hormone level and that would tell me if I had ovulated. So I did and it said I had. Well, that was the month we got pregnant. I took the test on the day I was supposed to start. I wasn't even a day late, officially. I thought, I should have started today and I didn't and I don't feel like I am going to. Then I thought, I have a pregnancy test so what the heck. Okay this is so not like me. Usually I don't take pregnancy tests until I am at the very least a week late. But like I said it was just a spur of the moment kind of thing. I noticed the one line right away and thought nope, I didn't think so. But then a minute or so later I looked at it again and I could see a very faint line appearing. I was thinking no way. I took the test and showed Antione. His response, "ya right." So we were both not nearly as excited as we had been before. We just thought its too good to be true. I took two more tests at home and both did the same, dark line and very faint line. I called the nurse at my doctors and she said to get my blood drawn to check the hormone leve. Sure enough, we were pregnant! The doctor called me as soon as he found out and wanted me to come in for an ultrasound. He said, "you scare us." And just wanted to make sure it wasn't ectopic. Nope, in the uterus and everything looks fine. Next ultrasound was 2 weeks later and he wanted to see/hear the heartbeat. Again, everything looks good. So now we are 10 weeks later and so far so good. They are not "watching me like a hawk" like they did with Jada so it has been a little unnerving at times. I only see the doctor once a month not every two weeks and they don't do an ultrasound every month. They did one at 9 weeks and they will do another one in about 4 weeks. I know this is good because I am not considered high risk but its just that I have to wait so long to see a doctor so I am a little on edge until I hear that heartbeat with the doppler. The doctor thinks that I will go to 39 weeks like I did with Jada. I just get nervous because I work full-time, graveyard shift and it is killing me doing this being pregnant. This job is very stressful at times and can be physically demanding.  I knew being pregnant while working full time and Antione going to school full time was going to be stressful. That is why I had my dad give me a blessing early on in this pregnancy. I need to just keep my faith that I can do this! I know that we were supposed to get pregnant and have this baby now even though there are a thousand reasons why now is not the best time for us. But I also know that with the Lords help he will help us through this. As I said, I have my next ultrasound in about 4 weeks. We should find out if its a girl or boy. Of course Antione is hoping and praying that its a boy and both the girls want a baby brother too. I checked on the chinese calendar and it said this was a girl. It got my last two girls right so we'll see if it three for three. I don't know if I feel one way or the other what it is. I have had several dream that it is a boy. Also, this pregnancy is so much different than my other two, but I also think that has a lot to do with me working nights. I have had so much more gas and bloating with this one. I know TMI, but I figure that this has got to be a boy, definitely Atnione's son! I have not been near as sick as I was with Ava and Jada, which I am so grateful for. But I have been extremely tired, fatigued, worn out, and just plain exhausted!! In fact I don't even think these words really describe how I feel. Its beyond words. Also, I am so much more hormonal, irritated, onery, rude and on an emotional roller coaster which does not help being so tired. I feel like the worse mom right now because all I do is yell at my kids. It just didn't seem to be like this when I was pregnant with Ava and Jada. So is it because its a boy or because of other reasons.  I am 4 years older and I do think that it gets harder the older you get. I couldn't even imagine being pregnant in my 40's, UGH!! But again, I think it because I work, full time, graveyards, and have two kids to take care of. I would not recommend this to anyone. There I go again, being negative and sounding ungrateful when I am so grateful to get the opportunity again to experience life growing inside me and having another child. If its a boy Antione wants to name him Antione Junior or actually I think it would be Antione Roshee Few Jr. He will be called AJ. I am not thrilled about having an Antione Jr but I know it means a lot to Antione and I love him so AJ it will be. Besides, AJ are the initials of my girls Ava and Jada, so that makes it a little more cute. If its a girl we will name her Malia/Maleah/MaLeah (not sure which spelling yet) which is my polynesian name and we will call her Leah/Lia. I really like this name for a girl so in that respect I almost wich it was a girl just so I can have this name. But in all reality I will be happy with either one, boy or girl. Just hoping that it is healthy and doesn't come earlier than 39 weeks. That would mean they could take me on Jan. 29th. Really, another January birthday. We already have so many. Also, that is my neices birthday. Antione asked if I could have it on the 31st because that is his dad's birthday. Its just two days later. I told him to ask me again when I am 9 1/2 months pregnant. From what I remember I didn't want to have that baby inside me one more day. But I also think, if I wait that long than why not have it on Feb 1st or even Feb 2nd which is Ground Hog's Day. Again, ask me on Jan 28th. Another little factor is my blood pressure. When I was pregnant with Jada my blood pressure was perfectly fine until the day they took her. When they did my preop vitals signs my blood pressure was high so the doctor said I would have had her that day anyway. So we'll see what happens with this one. The kids are so excited about this baby. They ask me all the time when it will be here. They have already starting calling it AJ. Whatever I happen to be eating they ask me, "does the baby like cucumbers, or nuts, or candy, or gum, or fish, or whatever it is I am eating. If I go to the bathroom, "does the baby need to go to the bathroom?" If I'm tired "is the baby tired?" I just smile and answer "yes." Speaking of my kids, Ava started kindergaten next week. She is so excited she can hardly wait. All the other kids started school this week and she doensn't understand why she has to wait another week.  Her teachers name is Ms Shedden and Ava seems to really like her already. She is so sweet and just like a little grandma. And when I say little I mean she is little. Even Ava said the first time she met her, "she sure is short." She gets to ride the bus to and from school and is also very excited about that. I am excited for her but I have to admit I will worry about her. I have alwasy been so protective of Ava. I know she is growing up and I just need to let her but its hard. She is my special little Ava. Oh, sorry Ava ( she doesn't like it when I call her little) I don't think I will cry on her first day like so many other moms do but who the heck knows, maybe I will. Also Jada will be starting her first day of preschool on the same day. She will be going Tues and Thurs from 9:30-11:30. Yeah!! 2 whole hours, two times a week of me time, well for the next 5 months anyway. Antione will also be starting school again this Monday. I know he is looking forward to going back. I gets so bored during the summer. Hopefully he will be finished by April and hopefully, hopefully he can get a job before I have this baby. He has started looking around and sent a few resumes out. We decided that me working full time and him not working and going to school full time is not working out for us anymore. We are in so much debt it doesn't seem like we will ever get out. And when Antione is done with school we will have to start paying on his students loans, and we are having a baby, and my work switched to short-term disabiliy so while I can take 12 weeks off if I want, I only get paid 60% of my income!! Um, ya that's not gonna work. I did sign up for a supplemental insurance that will pay $500/day while I am in the hospital so that will help out. Also we just refinanced on our mortgage and will save about $200/month. But like I said, we are in loads of debt. Its scary sometimes to think how much and we are upside down in our mortgage. So like I said, Antione needs to, has to, must find a job and hopefully sooner than later!! I will still have to work after I have this baby but the hope is that if Antione finds a good job than I can at least cut down to part time. We have faith that things will all work out, its just hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now. So of course things are stressfull right now but we are happy and healthy. I have so many blessings and have much to be grateful for. I'll try to update more frequently when school starts.